Responses to questions on pages 57 and 58

Accessible

1. I can get my partner’s attention easily. F Of course this depends on what you mean by attention. If I say hey I heed to talk to you about something, she will sit down with me. Her responses will be few and thin and no matter how important I think this may be, she will not bring it up again unless I force the issue. Do I really have her attention? She gave me the time to state whatever I wanted to but she brought little to the issue.
2. My partner is easy to connect to emotionally. F again this is too simplistic.
3. My partner shows me that I come first with her. T
4. I am not feeling lonely or shut out in this relationship. F
5. I can share my deepest feelings with my partner. She will listen. T to the extent that listening means being physically present while I speak. To the extent that listening entails any sort of emotional connection, not so much.

Responsive

1. If I need comfort and connection she will be there. F she will physically be there if I ask her to be, but there will be no content to her presence.
2. My partner responds to signals that I need her to be there. F
3. I find that I can lean on my partner when I am anxious or unsure. T
4. Even when we fight or disagree, I know that I am important to my partner and we will come together. F This is a compound question. Part is true and part is not thus the statement is not true.
5. If I need reassurance about how important I am to my partner I can get it. T Again this is a stupid and misleading question. In words I can get it in actions not so much.
Engaged
1. I feel very comfortable being close to, trusting my partner. F again stupid question. I feel comfortable being close to my partner to the extent that she wants to be close. But not to the extent that I want to be close. The differential is the issue.
2. I can confide in my partner about almost anything. T
3. I feel comfortable, even when we are apart, that we are connected to each other. T another stupid question. Connected in what way? We have children together and a common address. Those are connections.
4. I know that my partner cars about my joys, hurts, and fears. T
5. I feel safe enough to take emotional risks with my partner. T

Funny, no matter what you scored this book is the answer. And if that does not work we have some snake oil that you can apply liberally to your relationship.