Thursday, August 28, 2008


I love dreams. I have always had a very active and vivid dream life. My dreams are often a window to my inner self. That has certainly been the case this week. Last weekend I, again, came to the conclusion that no matter how much I love my wife, the relationship will not work. I have such a hard time letting go. My wife is a part of me. I have been with her most of my life. I do not think about, fantasize about or really desire other women. My head is constantly full of thoughts, desires and images of my wife. So the thought of ending this relationship is traumatic. I realize that I am not the first person to have gone through this, but it seems no less catastrophic because of that.

Naturally this has invaded my dream life. My wife has always been in a large percentage of my dreams and my dreams are usually erotic in nature. Or at least those are the ones that I remember. This week I have not been sleeping well and having several dreams a night. Interestingly I am not very present in these dreams. In most of them I am an unobserved observer. They have been quite erotic and along a wide spectrum on a continuum of my wife being engaged with other men. This has, for a long time, been my most vivid and exciting fantasy. While it is not unusual for the fantasy to invade my dreams it is of a different nature now. While these dreams still seem to be very erotic they also tend to evoke a good deal of sadness.

One of the first dreams I had this week, she was only partially in view. She was being fucked from behind but the person fucking her was obscured by a wall. She had on a necklace and I could just barely see an orange skirt bunched up around her waist. I could see her bra on the floor. The clothing created a strong sense of sadness because they indicated that she had been out for the kind of evening that she likes. It also made me sad that these were cloths that I did not recognize. She was obviously enjoying what was being done to her. Her eyes were shut and she was biting her bottom lip. She was beautiful. I never saw the man.

Last night she appeared in a very sheer green floral print blouse with a rounded yoke. The double material where the yoke hung over the blouse was not sheer but the yoke did not come down far enough to completely cover her breasts, which were erotically exposed. Obviously this was a very enticing sight and I felt hopeful. She did not interact with me but seemed annoyed by my presence. She went into the bathroom and came out with a very different and even sheerer blouse. This one was white linen. It too had a yoke but it was rectangular. This was not at all sexy, only because under the blouse she had put on one of the tee shirts that she runs in. The linen shirt was so sheer that the small writing on the tee shirt could easily be read. It occurred to me that these shirts had been intended for another man, she had put the tee shirt on because I was there.

One of the results of these restless nights has been that I wake up touching her. Normally I sleep well separated on my side of the bed. This is not the first time that I have come this point in our relationship and the same thing has happened in the past. The reason that we keep getting to this point is because I am unwilling to leave my children and I cannot stop craving her intimacy. So, each time I convince myself that there is hope, despite a complete lack of any evidence to the contrary. I know that I should sleep in another room but the fact is that I go to sleep hoping that I will touch her in my sleep. Unfortunately, despite our estrangement, this contact is nothing more than an annoyance to her. It is, after all, this level of detachment that has always been the problem.

This blog would be much more interesting if I could get her to respond here, but again she is way too detached to be able to do that. Sitting at the computer reading about emotions would be her definition of torture. The only thing that could be more grueling than that would be to have to reply. Several days ago I told her about the old story that I had posted that was basically a fantasy about her. She perfunctorily said, “I will read it tomorrow, when I’m not so tiered.” I had not told her about the story because I expected her to read it. But nonetheless this is exactly in the oh so repetitive pattern of things that drives me nuts. She said that she would do something that she knew full well that she would not, just to try to stop the conversation. I left the blog up on the lap top in bed for her the next couple of nights so that she could read it if she wanted to. Of course she did not. In my opinion this completely lacks integrity. Though I am the most frequent recipient of avoidance, I am not the only one. She does it to her mother all the time and even to her children on occasion, though they don’t let her get away with it. Few other people get close enough to warrant this level of avoidance. I may see if I can get some level of response out of her. In my life I have written hundreds, probably thousands, of pages pleading with her to connect emotionally and erotically to our relationship. The response has been very scarce.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Okay, I have to avoid obsessing on the pity party of my failed relationship. But I do want to let it provide some direction for this investigation into the impact of libido on relationship. I suspect that my wife's fear of intimacy went beyond just being an issue of low libido. Low libido creates a lack of desire but not necessarily fear or anxiety. But lets look at the other end of the spectrum for just a bit. I have been hanging out at a swingers site lately. I love the idea of free and open sexuality, but I have found that my ideas along these lines are different than most swingers. For swingers this seems not to be a decision based on ideas of freedom; It seems to be a drive. Often swingers have very conservative ideas about many aspects of personal and social freedom, but they do a great job of justifying sexual abandonment within the boundaries of the swinger's lifestyle. Specifically swingers are a high libido couple. It seems that there are lots of men who have libidos large enough to motivate them to abandon normal cultural conventions about open sexuality. Women seem to be the limiting factor here. In a recent study 33% of women reported being low libido. I'm not sure what percentage of women have high enough libidos to encourage them into a swinger's lifestyle but I think that those who do have that kind of libido end up going there.

While I would love to have had plurality in my marriage, I think that this was driven by ideology and not libido, which has a very different cognitive make up. Then again, I suspect that if my wife had had a high libido that I would have blended in just fine.

Another interesting aspect of the swinger lifestyle is that a preponderance of women who are bisexual. But very few swinger men report being bisexual. My guess is that if you could get men to report honestly that a higher % would qualify as bi. I base this on the fact that at this swinger's site there are separate groups that you can belong to. The majority of the men in the "couples with Bi men" group do not list themselves as bi. Across the board a very high percentage of swinger women report being bi. some time soon I will do a random sample of 20 women from this site and see howm many report being bisexual.

Again I think that this has a lot to do with libido. I have always be significantly hetero to the degree that I don't look at men sexually, I don't have sexual dreams about men, I can use thoughts of naked men as a means of ridding myself of an inappropriate hard on (not that I think that hard ons should ever be inappropriate.) But early in life I decided that I loved being attracted to women and wouldn't it be great if I could be attracted to men in that same way. In fact, I reasoned, it would be twice as good. So I was always open to the idea of being bisexual but could never really figure out how to illicit those feelings and finally gave up on it. Then unexpectedly a friend and I were seduced by his wife who drove us to an extreme state of arousal, and when put in the situation I was able to suck his cock. Then several years later I had an MFM relationship with a woman and her husband. There was never anything more than incidental contact between the men in this relationship until one night when we were all very excited she asked me to go down on her while her husband was fucking her. Though at first more than a little reluctant, this experience ended up being one of the most erotic encounters of my life.

When the libido gets supercharged, new and surprising things become possible. Some people have libidos that supercharge easily and frequently, others are not quite so easily there. I know that I have been surprised by my own ability to expand sexual horizons in times of extreme excitment. My hope had always been to get my wife to these points in an effort to allow the doors to open for her. But she had such a phobia that she would fight with all of her might to avoid these circumstances. The few times that she was in those situations, it appeared that her demeanor would change, she would become engaged, responsive and even initiating. She would later deny having such feelings or responses. While she would admit that a lack of desire for kissing, being touched, oral sex and the rest of the range of sexual appetite was a problem, she would not take responsibility for addressing the problem. If she had admitted to being aroused at times, she would have had to bring attention to those feelings which is exactly what terrified her. By denying ever having sexual feelings she could blame everything on being a low libido that she had no control over.

Can someone overcome a low libido by finding ways of more frequently and easily arousing themselves? This is basically what the whole sensate approach is about. In my opinion this is an inadequate approach in that it is only likely to illicit a predictably low level of arousal. What is needed for transformation are extreme levels of arousal. This would require sexual behaviors that go further beyond sexual norms than are likely to be acceptable within the highly regimented and controlled field of psychology. In the annals of sexual anecdotes it is not uncommon to read about women who were low, or at least lower, libido who, after having an extreme sexual experience, usually with someone that they are not already accustomed to, and often in the range of things that are more perverse than normal straight sex, and there after had heightened sexual appetites. I am not prepared to suggest that this is anything more than male sexual fantasy but it seems possible to have merit as a means of true sexual transformation.

It seems that self confidence can play a role in this too. Women, regardless of looks or intelligence who have a high level of sexual self confidence tend to have higher libidos. This could be because they have more means of arousing their libidos. Through such means as flirting or exhibitionism some women can engage in a process that allows them to raise their level of excitement. My wife, in addition to being brought up with very sex negative values had a traumatic pubescent period that may have scared her sexual self confidence and resulted in circumventing these processes from developing. Interestingly she always showed signs of exhibitionism being a possibility for her. Sexy clothing was one of the few things that i could get her to engage in. It was more like something that she tolerated than something that she enjoyed herself. But given the range of things that she would not even tolerate and the ease with which she would wear very sheer clothing, I believe that this was a crack in the thick brick wall around her erotic nature. A couple of times that she was in situations in which she was with other men and clearly excited she was much more bold in her nakedness. Unfortunately she would never acknowledge the feelings. Though she could not deny the behaviors, as I was there she would remain silent when asked about them. That door was shut tight and locked.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Onward Through the Blog

I hope to devote more time to this blog, though I’m not sure where that time will come from. Among other things I am interested in the impact of libido and sexuality on the mechanics of relationships. While I have always had this interest, it is heightened by the failing of my marriage. Though the anecdotal information from my marriage may drive some of this inquiry, one thing that I have become aware of is the wide range of experiences that all couples and partners have in this regard. Even within the narrowest of ranges, this is not a single variable. It is at least two variable, for we are talking about the intersection of at least two libidos. And of course libido is itself a complex of variables much more so than a single variable. So basically we are taking about chaos.

I realize that this approach is neither tantalizingly sexual nor academically objective. I am sliding into the void between those distant domains. Though spacious, this void is not likely to draw many readers. I will content myself with my own mental masturbation and the occasional visitor, who I hope will say hello.

I am also interested in many aspects of social arrangements. As attempts at intimacy in my marriage ends, the relationship does not. For one thing, I have no intention of leaving the home that my children live in until they are off to college. So I have another five years in which to live with my wife. Does this mean that I will not be able to embark on other relationships? It seems that this forced celibacy only serves to drive parents away from their children. If I were to become involved in another relationship this would be viewed as adultery. Open marriages are easier when they only involve secondary relationships, which are much easier to be kept covert. There are those who would suggest an abandonment of convention. But as much as I may disagree with many of societies silly rules, I am not willing to embrace the isolation of complete independence.

Because I deeply love my wife and crave her body and intimacy with her, trying to live in this situation is a turmoil of anxiety and frustration. Nonetheless, she does not share these components of a relationship, which is the reason for the divide. I can no longer convince myself that the door to intimacy and desire can be opened for her. From my perspective this is largely because she is unwilling to admit that it should be opened. She has a sort of intimacy Atticism that makes her afraid of, and numb to, adult intimacy. This intimacy Atticism is manifested in behaviors like displeasure in kissing, touching her even close to her clitoris brings her knees together, and she cannot talk about any level of feelings. When such topics are brought up she has a hard time providing even single syllable responses and immediately changes the subject. Discussions of fantasies and erotic desires are like science fiction to her. She just cannot relate to such things. Though she can have an orgasm with a vibrator, that skill came late in life and it happens very mechanically with not mental or imaginative connection. She seems to need to clear her head of such distractions before her body can respond to the impact of the vibrator.

Under the assumption that this wasthe result of conditioning from a sex negative catholic upbringing, I have tried everything to draw her out. While there have been times that my hopes have been raised, this was always false hope. It is gut-wrenching to give up on this relationship but, at this point, I have to admit that there are physical impediments to her ability to express or enjoy intimacy. Unfortunately there are also physical impediments to my ability to live without intimacy.

Sadly there are significant resentments that are unavoidable. For my part, I resent that she never took the responsibility to communicate to me that this would never be possible. But of course it is that exact inability to communicate on that level that is the source of the problem. But I cannot help but feel that she had to recognize that my anxiety and sadness were being fueled by false hopes that she was feeding.

Right now I am trying to figure out how to negotiate my feelings. For example last night she woke me up because I was lying snuggled up next to her. This is not something that I normally do, but I guess that my loneliness must have invaded my sleep consciousness. This is difficult because while I would totally rejoice if she had physical desire for me, even if only in her sleep, to her this was an annoyance.

After years of this level of rejection, I am ready to move on. Pathetically, despite my idealistic believe in expanded intimacy and plural love, I am basically a rather profound monogamist, at least to the extent that I fit snuggly into a primary relationship. All of my sexual fantasies and desires center on her. I crave nothing some much as to crave someone other than her.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Rough Draft of a story written a long time ago

New Years is a time that my typically shy wife comes out of her shell a bit. This year’s dress was low cut so that when she leaned forward her sweet little nipples came into view. The dress was made of two very sheer layers that wrapped in opposite directions. It was a little short but the real affect was created when she was backlit and it became transparent. She, nor I, was aware how sheer it was when she agreed not to wear panties. I noticed fairly early on and it was pronounced and I made a point of keeping her in the shadows. I had noticed when she went to the bathroom and was returning that you could clearly see her most feminine nakedness.

As the night progressed, the alcohol flowed and her charms melted my heart, my lust soared. After I felt that her inhibitions were down enough I said, “you are lovely, and that dress is much sexier than I thought it would be.” She smiled sweetly and said “I’m glad you like it. Its all for you.” “ And every man’s rapt eye,” I replied. She assumed that it was simply the liquor having its way with me.

Though I was doing what I could to keep her in the shadows, men were starting to take notice and I was getting very turned on by the fact that she was so naked in such a crowed. Luckily we were away from our hometown and knew no one there. Actually she was getting to know quite a few men as there was a steady stream to ask her to dance. This is something that she will most frequently turn down, as she is so shy. But being out of town, in a party situation and slightly drunk, she was enjoying the attention. Also she and I were dancing together a good bit. Finally a good-looking but rather inebriated fellow told her that he had enjoyed looking at her pussy all night. She was shocked and asked him what he meant. He said “yea right, like you don’t know that your dress is as sheer as glass.” She immediately stopped dancing with him and came over to me very upset.

She told me what had happened and asked why I hadn’t told her. I said that I had mentioned that the dress was much sexier than we had thought. This, of course, made her mad, because even though I had said that, I knew full well that I had not adequately communicated the situation to her. To exacerbate the circumstances, men kept coming by to ask her to dance. She was getting increasingly direct in telling them “no”. She was almost in tears and said that she wanted to leave. It was only 11:00 on New Years Eve and I pleaded with her to stay.

I felt awful. I begged her forgiveness and explained that I had been caught up in the situation and the alcohol and convinced myself that this is what she wanted. This set her off and she shot at me “How could you think that this is what I wanted? Do you not know me? Have you failed to notice that I am a shy and rather conservative person?” I agreed, and said that I had selfishly convinced myself of what I wanted to believe. I really felt like a shmuck.

We sat for quite awhile with me apologizing and telling her how bad I felt. Finally her anger started to dissipate, but she was adamant that she would not get up from our table until it was time to leave and then she would wear my coat out. I told her that I understood. Through this time she – who seldom drinks – sucked a couple more drinks down and was becoming fairly drunk. She started telling me that she forgave me and loved me.

After a while I asked her very carefully if the situation had any erotic appeal to it for her. She smiled and gave me a naughty look and then said “that is not the issue.” I so love this sexy woman who can communicate with such neuance even when drunk.

One of the men she had danced with, in fact one of the only men she had agreed to dance with twice , was sitting at the table next to ours. He must have gotten a sense of what was going on, as she was now turning men down for dances and she and I were leaned in talking with rather stern looks on our face. After awhile he approached our table. Some time had gone by and men were starting to get the picture and had stopped approaching her. So as he approached I noticed her stiffen. But he did not approach her. He came up to me and offered his hand to shake and said “Hi my name is Tom. I enjoyed dancing with your beautiful wife. Mind if I join you for a drink?” I looked right at Lindi to see how she was taking this. To my surprise she did not seem to mind at all, so I invited Tom to sit with us.

Tom was also from out of town. His mother had died after a long illness about a month earlier and he and sister had agreed to get back together over the holidays when they would have more time to straighten things out. The stress of his mother’s long illness had also contributed to his recent divorce from a woman he had loved very much and been married to for 15 yers.

He was well dressed, good looking, and a good conversationalist. I could see why Lindi had agreed to dance with this fellow a couple of times. Tom engaged Lindi with a warm smile and I could tell that she was smitten. Eventually the conversation came around to the dancing and Lindi admitted with quite a blush that she had had no idea how sheer her dress was. Tom smiled and said that he had figured that was what had happened. He said that he understood her discomfort but that he also thought that she had every right to be proud of the how beautiful she looked and the impact she had on so many men. Again she blushed and said the embarassment far overshadowed the hope of any vanity. Tom went on to say what a shame it was because he had so enjoyed dancing with her and was hoping that maybe the opportunity might arise again. She Blushed and did not say anything. Tom said he hoped that maybe after midnight, when everyone was a little more drunk, she might agree to dance in a dark corner with him and then he quickly added, “that is if your husband doesn’t mind.” I said, “I don’t mind.” I was shocked when she said “we’ll see.”

I was even more shocked when a couple of minutes later she leaned in to speak to him and allowed her top to fall open enough for her beautiful breasts to be exposed. Though she was a little drunk, she was aware of what she was doing. The fact is that the only reason she would agree to wear a dress that would so easily reveal her breast is because she is so confident in he own awareness of her space and her ability to control it in all circumstances.

Tom did not miss the view and I’m guessing that he did not misunderstand its significance because he unavoidably lit up and leaned in to her, not to get a better look, which he very consciously avoided lingering over, but to accept her invitation to a closer more intimate conversation. At this point I was pretty much an outside observer to my wife's seduction by this very charming stranger. This was almost too much for my alcohol-drenched emotions. On the one hand, I was as sexually turned on as I had been in years. On the other hand, I was feeling more than a little threatened and what I think was jealousy – an emotion I had had very little experience with. Though I could hear their conversation, it was clearly in a tone that was just for the two of them. They were quickly talking about Lindi’s (and my!) favorite topic – literature. We had all read many of the same books, but I did not interject as they spoke animatedly about the books they love. Now they were leaned into to each other and she was making no effort to conceal her (my!) breasts. Tom was also making little effort to conceal his pleasure in looking upon my wife’s nakedness. And I sat in my corner consumed by a tornado of emotions. I knew that she too must have been experiencing a swirl of amplified and new emotions. This was more surrealistic than I could have imagined. Twenty minutes ago my sweet wife had been very angry with me for not having her feelings better in mind and for having violated her trust in me. Was this a deliberate effort to get back at me? Surely not, Lindi does not have a vindictive bone in her body. Yet, how well did I know this incredible woman? She, who is more shy and self-conscious than most I have known, was exposing her breast to this charming stranger.

They were laughing, leaned in so close they were almost touching and drinking in each other’s company while I sat witness to my wife’s seduction. This man was literally inches from my wife’s exposed breast in the company of hundreds. I imagined him growing intoxicated on her sweet feminine breath and the beauty of her exposed feminine form.

Their spell was broken by the announcement of the count down to the New Year. Lindi looked over at me and realized the position that she had put me in. She stood up and came over, put her arms around me and said, loudly and with more enthusiasm than she had in years “I love you darling.” At the strike of midnight she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me to her kissing me deeply. She must have also noticed my excitement for she pushed herself into my hardness and slipped her tongue into my mouth.

I felt relief and intense love as my wife surrendered to my passionate kiss. Then I felt one of her arms release from my neck and reach out to stop Tom who was headed back to his table to give us our privacy. While my eyes had been shut in surrender to the love of my wife, hers had been open monitoring her new paramour. And just as quickly my insecurity had returned.

Our kiss was broken and she looked up at me with that sweet smile that has always enslaved me. She asked if she could wish Tom a happy New Year. Somewhat unsuspectingly, I said, “of course.” With that she wrapped her arms around his neck, closed her eyes and surrendered to a long intense kiss. It was, in fact, more imphatic than the kiss she had given me.

Who was this woman? Was this or was this a harbinger of drastic changes to come in this new year?

I stood awkwardly for what seemed like an eternality, but in reality was probably less than a minute. Finally these new lovers unwrapped their tongues and released each other. When they did she literally stumbled. She said “Oh, I must have had a little too much to drink.” But it was clear that the intoxication that she was tripping over was not from the alcohol.

She stood looking up at the two of us and said “So, who is going to dance with me first.” I think that I was rendered speechless by shock but Tom, with a graciousness that I was beginning to resent said, “Well of course husband and wife should have the first dance of the year together.” She took my hand and led me to the dance floor, seemingly unconcerned about her dress.

I was numb with astonishment. I knew that she wanted to broach the subject but she was afraid of what my response might be. I think that perhaps she was also a little afraid of her own response too. So we danced in silence. After Auld Lang Syne was through playing I started back to the table, but she reached out for my hand and pulled me back for another dance. She said, “we better talk.”
I said, “I’m too surprised and confused to be able to talk”
“Talking is what we do when we are confused. It is how we help each other find clarity.”
“Perhaps, but I don’t feel very much like I’m part of the conversation right now.”
“I don’t blame you Darling. I don’t know what is happening, but I know, among other things, by your hardness, that you are also excited by what is happening.”
I replied, “As confused as I am about my own emotions, I’m even more confused about yours.”
“Me too.” She confessed. “We have mixed a surprisingly new and different potion tonight. I’m not sure what all of the ingredients are but I know that it has rendered the universe a very different place.”
“Yes” I said, “though exciting, I don’t think I like my place in this new universe.”
“Honey, you need to understand that your place in this universe has not changed.”
“So, have you been swept off your feet by other men in the past that I did not know about?”
“No” she said pleadingly. “I have been able to let myself be swept up in this because I know that you are my foundation - my one true love. I would never have been able to do any of this if I had thought it would, in any way change us.”
“I can assure you Lindi, that it already has. Maybe not for the worse – I’m way too confused right now to be able to say for sure – but it has definitely changed the universe forever.”
“Not for worse,” she demanded. “It is our choice whether to make it for better of for worse”
I could not help but marvel at her ability to manipulate our conversation to maximize its meaning. For better or for worse indeed.

“I am in a place that I have never been,” she went on. “A place I did not know existed. I would never have been able to go here if I did not have confidence in our ability to navigate it together for better. Your love and ability to explore and find the best in things is the base for this new potion we have stumbled across tonight.”

By this time we were on our third song and the place had actually cleared out a bit. I noticed men looking at her and was again stirred by the erotic nature of what was going on.

“Honey” I said, “I don’t know if I am that strong.”
Without hesitation she said, “Then lets go back to our room and let me show you how much I love the incredible strength that you do have. You are the most amazing man I have ever known. We have had a wild time and we have a lot to figure out together.”

I pulled her to me and held her tight as we danced and did not say anything for a while. I have always been surprised by how much I love my wife, but this was a new and interesting wrinkle for sure. As the song ended we stepped back and looked into each other’s eyes with a sort of communication that can only happen between people who have been lovers for a long time. It is a sort of communication that cannot be translated into words because it contains emotions, memories and desires that are too textured for words or any external medium.

Our gaze was disrupted by a tap on the shoulder. It was Tom, who had come to say good-bye as his party was leaving.

“But Tom,” I said, “You have not had the dance you promised Lindi.”
“I know,” he said “but my party is leaving.”
“We understand if you need to leave with them, but if you would like to stay, we would be happy to give you a ride later.”
“Well, that does sound inviting. Let me run that by my sister and see how it flies.”

On our way back to our table Lindi looked loveningly into my eyes and said, “You seem to be feeling plenty strong.”
“Virility is nothing more than the love of a good woman.”
“Then should be the most virile man alive.”

Back at our table we began to discus the ingredients of this surprising potion that seemed to have changed our universe. She confessed that, thanks to the liquore, being unknowingly exposed had dawned on her with powerful affect. That erotic component had mixed with her anger and disappointment in me to create a strong essence of independence. “...which in turn mixed,” she said, “with your sweet and honest regret and concern to create a strange new flavor of love. That in turn mixed with the knowledge that this was turning you on to create a sense of freedom, which mixed with the alcohol and being away from home to create a bohemian desire for abandonment.”

"That is a complicated receipie" I said. "what part did Tom play in all of this?”

"Well, he mixed in to the formula, even before I first danced with him, when He looked at me with those warm brown eyes from the table where he was sitting. This happened when we first came in, so perhaps it was even before he had noticed my indecency.”
Hearing her speak of her emotions for another man was stirring my passion and insecurities into my own strange concoction.

She went on, “then when we danced, he held me tight, but did not grope as some of the other men had tried to do. And he is a VERY good dancer.”

After we had our fight and he came over and was so warm, understanding, intelligent, and not at all pushy, I felt like I was falling in love with him, which was probably the Alcohol because no one, especially me falls in love with a total stranger in the presance of an adoring husband. It was surely the Alcohol that compelled me to let him see down my dress. But that was a dangerous mix because the more attention he gave me the more I wanted him to see me, and the more I let him see me, the more rapt became our conversation. I was really interested in what we were talking about but I had to focus hard on the conversation to be able to stay in it. I was lost in his brown eyes and my lust. I was aching for him to touch my breasts. I think that I would have come if he had.”

I was about ready to come just hearing her talk like this. Never before had she revealed such erotic thoughts, especiallyt about another man.

It was 1:00 a.m. by this time. Lindi said, “well its probably a good thing he could not come back because things might have gotten out of hand. Once I realized that this was turning you on I’m not sure that I could have held back.”

“Yeah, to be honest with you I don’t think I have ever been this turned on: seeing him looking at your breasts and knowing that you were intentionally exposing yourself for him and getting turned on by it. Hearing you talk about your desire for him has me ready to explode.”

“I am too. Shall we go to our room and see what we can do about this problem?”

“I don’t know. I’m afraid of what will happen when we break the spell. Will we be able to recover? Will we ever be able to return to this place? Can we dance one more time? Can we dance with the light behind you?”

“Let’s dance to the side and let me work up the courage.”
“This might help too,” she said as she downed her glass of Champaign.

We danced enveloped in each other’s arms and lost thought of others looking on. We had been dancing for a while when we were again distracted by a tap on the shoulder. Again, it was Tom. He apologized for being late and explained that he had taken his sister and brother in-law home so that he would not have to bother us for a ride home later.

He said he hoped it was not too late to claim his turn with the prettiest girl at the dance. With that he slowly slid his hand down Lindi’s back until it was resting more on the flare of her bottom than on the small of her back. She blushed and had the unmistakable shudder of an orgasm. I looked at her with wide eyes and she just sort of shrugged as if to say, “I don’t know how that happened.” He probably also knew what had happened, as his hand was on her to feel the response.

“May I” he said.

“She’s all yours,” I said with more sincerity than I was comfortable with.

I returned to the table to watch intently as she snuggled into him and caressed his body as he held her tight. They stayed in a distant and rather dark corner but I could pretty well see what they were up to and it was making me harder than I had ever been even as a teenager. After a while she slid her hand to feel his butt. And he did not hesitate to follow suite. When the song was over she looked up at him and he pulled her to him and they kissed. I could not be sure from the distance I was at, but I was fairly certain that she had another orgasms while on the dance floor. When the last song was announced, they let go of any inhibitions they might have had. The place was almost empty so more light was getting to the dance floor and her dress was little more than a gossamer window dressing. Though now her intimacy was being lightly touched by his fingers that had slipped under her dress. There were many people sitting at tables gapping drunkenly at this surprising display. One woman seemed to be angry and trying to get her resisting husband to leave. Several other couples seemed to be bound to the erotic display as an enhancement to their own desires.

When the band stopped. Tom and my wife moved slowly, arm in arm, to our table not wanting to end the magic that was flowing between them.

Once at the table I commented on how hot they were.

“You are a lucky man,” said Tom. “You have an incredibly beautiful and intelligent wife. I have never had a more enjoyable night of dancing. Wouldn’t it be my luck that it would be with another man’s wife? She is also fortunate to have a husband so loving and secure as to indulge her so. She told me many times while we were dancing how much she loves and respects you.”

“She probably also told you that this behavior is something totally unexpected and new to us.”

“Yes she did, which makes me all the more grateful to be a part of your love potion.”

Hmmm? She must have told him a good deal to include him on our metaphor.

“Well,” I said “shall we continue this conversation in our room?”

“Honey!” Lindi said with a certain amount of alarm. “Are you sure you want to do that?” Her question left no doubt about her desire or her inability to control it if given the slightest opportunity.

“Absolutely” I lied. In fact I was terrified - a terror eclipsed only by my erotic desire.

I was literally shaking with anticipation. Once in the elevator I was unable to contain myself and I pulled Lindi to me and kissed her passionately and slid the strap off of her shoulder so that the dress fell open exposing her breast. She made a furtive effort to cover herself. I was more than a little relieved that she returned my kiss with a reassuring level of passion. When we broke she looked into my eyes and said, “I love you so much.” This newfound potion, this erotic drug, seemed to be affecting her the same way it was me.

“We are going to need that love to sort all of this out.” I said.
“I have complete confidence that we can do that,” she said
“Lets not worry about the sorting out for now. Lets explore this new lust with confidence in our love.” And with that I cupped her exposed breast and leaned in to kiss her again. She ran her hand up my thigh to the prominent bulge in the front of my pants. I was saved by the bell as we reached our floor.

I felt like a teenager in the back seat again. As soon as the door close to our room, I went for Lindi’s dress with singular intention. But she stopped me and suggested I pour every one a drink while she changed. She turned and went into the bathroom. Looking after her I wondered if she could possibly put something on that would be sexier than that dress.

God!!! Could I manage something so simple as pouring drinks with this level of sexual tension coursing through my body?

Tom took this opportunity to explain that as much as he wanted my wife that we shouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize our obviously sound marriage.

“Your probably right. There’s no sense playing with fire when what we have is so good. We’ll have this drink and then you can take your leave.”

I could see the excitement drain from Tom’s face as I said this.

It was cruel but I could not help but pause just a bit before laughing and telling him that we had gone too far to turn back now. Just as quickly his face lit up again and he laughed nervously.

The drinks needed ice. I reluctantly left to get the ice. I knew that in my absence Lindi would appear wearing something spectacular. I hurried to find the ice machine but it was all the way on the other side of the floor down two long corridors. I was practically running to get back.

When I opened the door there was my beautiful wife wearing a very sheer full length gown that clung to her. It was immediately apparent that she had nothing on under it – a gown she had bought especially for this trip, with me, and no one else, in mind. But it was not my arms she was in, or my mouth that she had her tongue in, nor was it my hand caressing the soft fabric over her bottom. They stopped and looked at me with uncertainty, as I stood there staring in amazement, bewilderment and excitement. How was it possible that my modest Lindi was nearly naked in this man’s arms?

Finally, she said, “Honey, are you alright?”

I had to admit that I didn’t know. But that I had never seen anything so beautiful and arousing. She smiled and said, “I sure am glad that you feel that way.”
She came over to me and took the ice bucket from me and finished making the drinks I had started. She knew full well the impact she was having on us as she glided around in her long clinging and perfectly sheer gown.

Lindi normally keeps herself neatly trimmed, but it was obvious that she had completely shaved for the occasion. I wondered if it was possible that she had done that while changing but figured that was not likely. Our room had a sitting area and somehow Tom and I ended up sitting on the soffa while Lindi was in an armchair looking more radiant than I had ever seen her. Though I was a little disappointed in the seating arrangement, it was nice for us to both be sitting before her. And she was holding forth with a confidence and radiance that I had never seen in her.

Tom seemed to be ever the literary type. As we sipped our drinks he launched into a soliloquy on the erotic element in great literature. How it was so often discussed in code and when it was not itself in code that it was a metaphor for other aspects of life. He said it was both a muse and the object of the muses. He was clearly well read as he referenced many great literary works.

He went on to say that great literary figures had provided us with more than beautiful art filled with the erotic element but that they themselves had often been the pioneers of erotic adventur, exploring outside of social limits, just as Lindi and I were doing on this night.

Amazingly his discussion was interesting and compelling despite my overwhelming desire to be more physical. It was, in fact, like fuel on the fire.

“These are indeed magical times when we can find the potion that liberates us from the box of convention. You are intoxicated by the idea that soon I will penetrate your wife and that she will be overwhelmed with desire for me. And Lindi you are amazed to give yourself over to such abandon. This eroticism is spiced with more than freedom. You have, in a sense, entered a parallel universe available to all but entered by so few. Anything is possible at this point. We are all amazed and excited that this is happening. The poets are led to this place by their muses to live life to its fullest and find inspiration and new territory. Why do you think that so many of them are bisexual? They are no different than the rest of us, other than to the extent that they are not afraid to follow their muse and explore the full range of human labido of human potential.
“Are you suggesting,” Lindi asked, “that the two of you could make love?”
“More than that, I am suggesting that anything is possible.”
“This is all very interesting,” I added “but, to be honest, it is making me a little nervous.”
“You shouldn’t be,” Tom said. “I’m fairly sure that I have no more interest in men than you do. But right now if Lindi were to ask me to perform oral sex on you I could do it, and I’m guessing that you could too, and maybe even enjoy it. She is our Muse. By the same token if we were to ask Lindi to do something that she nrmally would not do, she might enjoy doing it. Erotic freedom is our frontier.

“Let me show you my point.” And Tom moved over to Lindi and helped her to her feet. He turned her around for both of us to gaze on. “My God Lindi, you may be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," he said. The fabric clung to her shapely small breast and tapered down to her feminine flared hips and around her voluptuous bottom. I was indeed spell bound.

He reached and pulled her arms behind her back making her breast jut out all the more prominently with her small nipples easily visible through the cloth. He held her arms back with one hand as he started caressing her with the other. First her face, which she laid tenderly in the palm of his hand. He traced her pretty lips with his finger. He slid his hand down her neck and to her shoulder, a very sensitive place for Lindi. Sensing her pleasure, he continued to run his hand over her shoulder, and she softly moaned. He lightly traced her breast that she pushed wantonly at his hand. After teasing both breast until she could hardly breath, he moved his hand down to her waste and pulled his other hand from behind her back. As he did this she moved to touch him. But he moved her hands back and she knew to leave them there. He ran his hands over her hips and to her bottom and with a hard sudden jerk he brought her to him. She threw her head back and he consumed her mouth with his. She moaned hard into his mouth. He moved around her and I knew that she had cupped his hard-on with her pinned hands.

As I watched, he again caressed slowly from her shoulders down to her breasts. She moved hungrily with him. He cupped her small breasts in his strong hands and she went weak in the knees but he steadied her. He moved down the silk of her gown to her flat stomach and I could see her tighten it in anticipation. His fingers stopped just above her pubic mound and moved to her thighs. He slid his body down against hers until his face was resting on the checks of the bottom. She moved back against him and he slid back up until the bulge in his pants was nestled into the soft fabric of her gown and pushing at her bottom.

I was amazed that he had not cum yet as I was sure that I would in any moment despite the fact that I had not touched her myself.

He spoke smoothly and with confidence. “Now I want you to cum for me.” And with that he slid his hands down over her mound and back up next to her clitoris. I could see she was weak and he said. “Are you ready?” She could not speak, she just nodded her head and pushed at his hand between her legs. Again he pulled his finger up along the length of her lips and along the side of her clit and with that she shuddered and screamed “OH God!!!! I’m Cuming!!!”

In all of our years together I had never heard Lindi scream out like that. She drew her breath in and began to sob.

Concerned, I rushed to her. “Lindi, Darling are you okay? What is wrong?”

“I don’t know,” she sobbed. “That is the most intense orgasm I have ever had and I don’t know why I’m crying.”

Tom let her go to my embrace and I almost dropped her surprised that she could not hold any of her weight.

She continued to sob as I held her. After some time She held my face in her hands, peered at me through tear soaked eyes and told me how much she loved me. I was confused, in love and extremely horny. All I could say was how beautiful she was and how much I wanted her. She said she wanted me too. I told her that I wanted to see her with Tom before she came to me. Laughing she said that she was okay with that too.

Her gown was not even off and already she had had the most powerful orgasm of her life at the hands of another man. And amazingly it was the biggest turn on of my life. We were definitely some place we had never been before.

Tom moved in behind her and we made a Lindi sandwich. She leaned back against him and tried kissing him from the side. I was inches from my wife’s face as she tried to consume this man’s tongue while he had his hands on her breasts. As he moved his hands down her gown to again touch her swollen lips, his hands slid against my erection. Surprisingly this did not bother me. It was nice. Not like Lindi touching me, but in the connection of friends sharing something very special. We were sharing my wife and so it was okay to be touched by him and I did not move away. I felt connected in a way that I had ever felt before.

I was a bit shocked, though, when after a while his hand left Lindi and caressed my bulge. He had gotten the wrong idea. I was uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do but neither did I want to stop my own focus on Lindi and what was happening between the two of them. He seemed to sense that this was not what I wanted and moved his hand back up to her breast. Lindi was lost in arousal. Seeing his hand on her breast was such a turn on for me and I pushed into Lindi. She moaned and in a dreamy voice said I liked that. I thought she meant me moving against her but Tom asked what she liked and she said, "I liked you touching him."

Oh Geez. I was in trouble. But Tom saved me and said “I don’t think he was all that crazy about it.” Good, I thought, off the hook. But in her dreamy voice she said, “but I thought we were on the new frontier where anything is possible?”

“Honey,” she said “Did you like it?”

“I don’t know. It was a little strange.”

“What, about any of this, is not stranger?”

She had a point. But why was she pushing this?
She turned around to face Tom and she pushed her beautiful bottom against my hard-on.

She kissed Tom deeply and wrapped herself around him.

She said that she wanted to see him naked.

I moved back and sat on the soffa and watched my wife slowly unbutton his shirt and remove it. After carresing his chest she moved down to unbuckled his belt. Before she undid his pants she ran her hands along his prominent bulge. Then she slid down and began kissing the front of his pants. This was a bit of a surprise because normally she is reluctant with anything close to oral sex. Next she unzipped him and with a bit of maneuvering managed to free his erection. I must admit that I had never been excited to see a man’s penis before, but this time I definitely was. That probably had to do with my wife’s delicate hands being wrapped around it and her face being inches from it.

With out hesitation she leaned forward and licked the precum from its tip, and then, as if she were an old pro, she slid the head into her mouth and mounded her appreciation into it. There was no doubt that this was the hottest thing I’d ever seen.

She pulled off and said “Oh God! That is good!” This was my wife, who was only willing to reluctantly perform oral sex on special occasions, proclaiming her love of another mans cock?

Why was I finding this so exciting? I wondered. But I was way too turned on to ponder difficult questions.

Again she slurped down on it and again she came up saying how much she loved it.

Tom must have been thinking about cleaning catfish to keep from cuming. I knew that he probably would not be able to hold off for long and wondered what would happen if he came in Lindi’s mouth, something she had never allowed.

After a couple more mouthfuls she stood up and pointed out that she had never liked giving head before. I was back to feeling threatened by my wife’s new, and improved, lover. But I was also beside myself with her sexual energy and beauty. She came over to me and said, “Isn’t that weird?” “Yes” I agreed not wanting to elaborate on my own feelings of inadequacy. Before I knew it Lindi had planted a big passionate kiss on me and I could definitely taste him. I’m not sure why, but, for some reason, this turned me on even more. I returned her kiss and put my tongue in her mouth and I licked her lips. She pulled back and looked at me with a knowing expression and said, “you like it too don’t you?”

“I don’t know,” I stammered, more than a little confuse and embarrassed.

“That’s okay” said Tom, “new frontier.”

I sort of laughed and started trying to take Lindi’s gown off. She let me slip the top down. But then stopped me and said, "if you want to take it all the way off you have to suck Toms cock."

“No way” I protested.
“Then no more of this,” she said as she pulled the straps back up and tucked her breasts back into her gown.
“Honey, haven’t we gone far enough into the frontier for one night?”

“You want to see Tom Fuck me don’t you?”
“God yes!!! I do,” I panted.
“Well isn’t that further into the frontier?”
“Yes it is,” I admitted, “but that is different, you are used to being with a man.”
“I am used to being with ONE man. If you want to go further you must suck Tom.”
“What makes you think Tom wants me to do that?”
“The frontier was his idea. What do you say Tom?”
“Well, I don’t know. I’ve never been sucked by a man. I’m always up for something new, but I’d hate for someone to do something that they really didn’t want to.”
Lindi said “You will never know if you like it if you don’t try it. Besides didn’t you like tasting him when you kissed me?”

“Yes, but that was different. I liked the idea of him being in your mouth not mine.”

“Honey, I really want Tom to fuck me,” she teased. “Please suck his cock so I can then have it deep inside of me.”

I had never heard Lindi talk even remotely like this. I wasn't sure if she was doing it because for the affect and I didn't care. it was sending me over the top.

“Okay, but just for a second or two.”

Lindi wrapped her arms around me and kissed me deeply again. In a tone of voice I had not heard since she was a teenager she said, “Can you believe we are doing this?”

“No” I said “As a matter of fact, I can’t”

To stop my pouting Lindi slowly pulled her gown from her shoulders revealing her breasts and then slowly slid it down to her waste and asked if I would take it the rest of the way off. I stood behind her so that Tom could see her come into view and I slid the gown over her hips and let it drop to the ground. She stepped out of it and stood totally naked before us.

While Lindi had been convincing me to embark on a new and foreign lifestyle, Tom had removed the rest of his cloths. This made what lay before me seem all the more daunting. Though Tom was a good looking and very fit man, this was not enough to make me want what I was being asked to do. Nor was the fact that he was a good bit better endowed than myself and firmly erect.. Seeing Lindi naked before him though did seem to make the prospect a bit more enticing.

Tom was sitting in the chair and Lindi sidled up to him and stroked his cock. She said, “isn’t this a beautiful cock?” and as if she could not help herself, she lowered her mouth over it again with a loud “MMMMM”

She came up and said, “come on over here.” And she slid down it again. I moved closer and she kept sliding her mouth down over it. His shaft was wet. There is no doubt that watching my once oral sex adverse wife going down on this man’s cock was one hell of a turn on. Slowly I approached and soon my head was on level with hers as she continued to indulge herself on his large cock. She released it from her mouth and it jumped free. Seeing this cock spring from my wife’s mouth was so crudly erotic that it made the thought of putting him into my own mouth seem almost natural. She turned and kissed me with the fresh taste of him on her lips. His cock was an inch from my face and I was tasting him on my wife’s lips. I was ready to take the plunge but again she slid her mouth down his shaft while she cupped his balls in her little hands. And again she turned to kiss me. Now I could smell him as well as taste him. And again she engulfed him and turned to kiss me, except this time she did not pull entirely away from his cock so when I leaned in to kiss her his cock brushed my lips. I was intoxicated with the smell and taste of him on my wife. When she went down on him again and I leaned in I kissed her briefly and then took the head in my mouth. It felt strange but sexual and Lindi’s lips were there too. Lindi and I kissed passionately with him brushing between our lips. He was moaning and I was afraid that he was going to cum, but I did not want to stop until I had better experienced this. I though perhaps I was actually enjoying this. Finally I let him slip all the way inside my mouth and pushed down a few time. I emerged and took Lindi in my arms and kissed her passionately. I could feel her naked body against me and I could taste him. We kissed hotly for quite awhile as he looked on.

Lindi then slid down saying that I had been neglected and took me into her mouth. I did not let her stay there long as I did not want to cum yet. Tom then asked if he could try. Again I was reluctant but did not know how to say no and figured that If I could suck a man’s cock, letting him suck mine would be a piece of cake. He slid my cock into his moth and seemed to enjoy it. When Lindi slid down to kissed him around my cock I had to pull back right away to keep from loosing it.

When I move back, Tom took Lindi in his arms and she melted like I’ve never seen her melt before. Seeing their naked bodies intwined was amazing. She said that she wanted him to fuck her. I mentioned that we needed protection. It would have been best if we had not waited for this late moment to discuss this topic because we never have condoms, as we do not use them, and never expected to need them. Tom too had not considered the possibility that he might need one. He confessed that he had not been with anyone but his ex-wife since they were married ten years ago. He had not gotten back into the dating scene yet.

We were delirious with desire and unsure what to do. Meanwhile Tom and Lindi were moving against each other in passion. Tom lifted Lindi up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom and laid her on the bed. He said at least we can do this and he went down on her. She almost immediately exploded again screaming out. As she calmed down Tom moved up and lay next to her so that her back was to his front as they laid on their sides spoon style. They lay like this for a while with him caressing her breast and kissing her shoulders. She was pushing her butt against him and I could tell that he was making the most of the contact with her checks.

In time it was too much for them and Lindi reached behind her and moved his cock between her legs but not inside her. He was moving against her and I could see their combined juices coating her. I knew that I should stop this, but it was so incredibly hot and I believed him that he had not been with anyone other than his wife for ten years. The only question was: had she been with anyone else?

Though he was not inside her, his cock had spread her lips and was against her opening and they would not be able to resist much longer. Nor did I want them to.

She asked him to lay on his back and she laid on top of him so that her back was to him and his cock was again sliding over her pussy. In her sex trance dreamy voice Lindi asked me to give her oral sex like this. Of course, there was no way to do this without also touching him. But at this point I was so horny that I would have given her anything that she asked for. Besides, hadn’t I already gotten past this hang up? Actually seeing his juices all over her pussy made it all the more inviting. I did not want her to have an immediate explosion so I licked her lips as he slid between them. The overwhelming smell and taste of their combined juices was incredible and soon I was engulfing both of them together in the most erotic act I’ve ever committed. Despite my best intentions she exploded again. I was concerned that the neighbors would call security.

He continued to slide slowly and gently against her until she worked her self back to a frenzy. This was more than I could take and I pushed him inside her. On the second stroke inside of her he screamed out and started cuming, which started her again. They were thrashing like wild animals. No doubt it was too late to make a difference but I pulled him out. By this time it did not seem that strange to be stoking another man’s cock as it erupted across my wife’s belly and shaved pussy.

They had both come but I had not. He collapsed next to her and she turned and tenderly kissed him. They smiled in the shared afterglow of an intense orgasm. She was gaping and leaking the elixir of their love. The room was pungent and I was in a state of absolute arousal. It occurred to me to push the limits of my new found abilities and drink the tonic, but I thought that might be more than I wanted to look back on. Lindi pulled me to her and asked if I wanted to fuck her. I crawled on her feeling his cum between us and I slipped easily in her. It was warm silky and luxurious. I moved slowly as the two of them continued to cuddle to the side. Lindi was moving between us kissing tenderly and affectionately. I was not able to hold that pace for long and soon I was pounding more passionately and again Lindi rose to the occasion and wrapped her legs around me. As is our usual pattern, when things get passionate we switched positions with her on top. As we were pounding away I could feel Tom’s hand between us. I was passed the point of being freaked out by anything. Soon Lindi bucked hard and came with a scream, which started my own orgasm. This was the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had. I could not slam hard enough into Lindi. I was afraid that I might throw her off the bed, but she seemed to stay on with more resistance than I expected and she had a second orgasm on the heels of the first. Also, something that she had never done. I later learned that Tom had lubricated his fingers and pushed a finger in her butt. This had always been definite off limits. Though she likes butt play, Lindi had never allowed penetration. But for whatever reason when Tom stuck his well-lubricated finger in her it sent her into orgasm and when I was bucking against her Tom was pushing against us with his finger in her butt. This in turn triggered her second orgasm.

This had been the strangest most erotic night we had ever spent. We all drifted off to sleep as the sun was coming up, unsure of what emotions we would wake up to, but too exhausted to let it be a concern.

I fist opened my eyes around noon. Lindi’s naked body was draped face down half over Tom who was laying on his back with his arm around lindi and his hand on her ass. I was snuggled to her back. The sight stirred my morning erection but I fell back to sleep for another thirty minutes. When I woke Tom and Lindi were kissing and fondling each other. And I had been afraid that things would be awkward in the morning. We all made love again, showered and went to breakfast. Tom had to get back to his sister’s house and then head home. Unfortunately he lives about a thousand miles from us but we are keeping up by email and planning on taking a vacation together this summer.

Lindi and I have been working hard on dealing with this whirlwind of emotions. I can say that our sex life has never been better. Though I am still dealing with a good bit of uncertainty about the love that they feel for each other, I know that we will work it out and that things will continue to be good on the frontier. I think it’s going to be a very good year.

Old Story

This is a story that I wrote some time ago.

Not long ago an old college friend came to town. My wife and I took him out for dinner and drinks and were having a great time reminiscing. After dinner we went to a neighborhood bar and kept on drinking. I had encouraged my wife to wear a short skirt and in my drunken state I started caressing her leg as we chatted. Our friend, who was also made less inhibited than usual, made no effort to hide his gaze and my wife made only feeble attempts to stop my progress up her leg. In time I had pushed her skirt up to her waist, but with her legs crossed there was not much to be seen. I continued to gently caress her. In the course of conversation our friend reached out and touched her well-exposed leg as he made a point in the conversation. As she made no effort to move or cover up, our friend took this as tacit permission and was soon caressing her leg as well. I could tell that she was very excited but she was afraid to uncross her legs. I waited until I knew that she was ready to squirm in her seat and then I pushed the one leg off the other. I only got enough resistance form my wife to make the point that this was my, and not her, idea. She was wearing very sheer black panties but in the light of the bar you could not really see through them. As we continued to caress her inner thighs she slowly let her legs come apart and soon we were taking turns running our hands over the soft fabric of her panties. He and I kept up conversation but she was beyond being able to focus on what was being said.

The place was not crowded and we were the only ones sitting at the bar. To this point we had not said anything about what was taking place. Finally I said, “When she comes we better leave.” The bartender had gotten a little suspicious and was watching from the other end of the bar. When I said this, my wife moaned and bit her lip. I knew that she was close. This was very bold and we were all drunk on more than the liquor. Our friend, who is normally a rather shy person, cupped the back of my wife’s neck and gently turned her head toward him. At the same time he place his whole hand over her mound, which to that point we had only been lightly grazing with our fingers. He leaned in and kissed her passionately on the mouth. She practically screamed into his mouth as she had what she later said was the most intense orgasm of her life. There is no doubt that the bartender knew what was going on. He looked at us in disbelieve and started to walk toward us. I quickly pulled out a credit card and asked for the bill as my wife finished her orgasm and nearly slid from her barstool.

We were laughing hard as we left. We were too drunk to drive but our house was only about six blocks away, so we walked home in the cool night air, which helped sober us up a bit. After the first block the laughter had faded into an awkward silence. I was still very turned on and did not want to loose the momentum that would allow us to continue this fun, so I broke the silence blurting out, “Honey that was the hottest thing that I have ever seen.” Our friend added, “Mmmm, I don’t think we ever did anything that wild in college. That was probably the most fun I have had sense college” and he told my wife that she was a terrific kisser with a great body and beautiful response. I could tell that she was feeling very self-conscious. She said, “I should not have let myself get that drunk.”

I pleadingly said, “It’s okay honey, it’s good to let your guard down sometimes, especially with such a great friend. That was a really special experience.”

She countered, “yes that felt great but I am going to be ashamed and embarrassed later.”

He said, “You don’t need to be. You can choose not to be. I know that it is different for a man than a woman, but I will always treasure that experience. I have always found you to be such a beautiful woman and you guys are such special friends…” And he turned to me and said, “I hope you don’t mind my frankness, it is not like I have always lusted after your wife, but I have always found her so attractive in every way and to be able to share that moment with the two of you… it made me feel so close to both of you.”

My wife said, “ahhhh” and smiled warmly and put her hand on his shoulder as we walked. I was not sure that my feet were on the ground though I knew that the effect was much less the liquor than the affection and erotic arousal. We walked the last block to the house with both of our arms around my wife and her arms around each of us.

Once in the house we were again in an awkward moment, as it was late enough that we should have headed to bed, but none of us wanted to let the fun end. I put on some music and said that I would make us some water with lime to help ward off a hangover. When I returned to the living room with a tray of waters and a bottle of aspirin, they were embraced slowly dancing to the music. I’m not sure where this feeling comes from, I probably should have been jealous, but seeing them together like that made me feel very happy. It felt good that my wife and good friend were enjoying each other. I sank into an over stuffed chair and watched with great affection.

She mumbled into his ear “this is nice.”

He said, “yes, I’m so lucky that your husband is not jealous.”

It occurred to me that they had not heard me come into the room and that they were lost in their own bliss. “Jealous?” she said, “I think that he is in seventh heaven. He finds this very erotic.”

“How nice,” he said pulling her closer to him. They danced quietly snuggling closer and closer. Soon her hands we caressing his butt. Unsure of himself and ever the gentleman, he said, “where did he go with that water?”

“I’m right here,” I said reluctantly revealing my presence.

They both stopped short and turned to me smiling and in unison said, “How long have you been there?”

“Awhile,” I confessed, “I have been enjoying watching you. You are right I am in seventh heaven.”

They came over and took their water and sat on the couch, not so close as I would have liked. Fearing another awkward break, I went over and sat next to her pushing her closer to him. “Are you having fun?” I asked her.

“For now I am,” she said, hinting that she had apprehensions about later regrets. Wanting to assuage her fears I pulled her to me and looked her square in the eyes and said, “honey, you know that all of this is alright, that it is between close friends and no judgment will be passed. What you probably have no way of knowing, as it has surprised me too, is how much seeing the two of you together turns me on.” With that I pulled her into me and kissed her passionately. I ran my hand up her leg lifting her skirt and cupping her bottom in my hand so that our friend could clearly see her feminine shape. She returned my kiss and moaned into my mouth as I squeezed her ass.

I rolled her on top of me and reach over and guided our friend’s hand under her skirt. She nearly squealed with delight when she felt his hand there and her back arched to accommodate his exploration. He continued to caress her as she and I made out. We helped her out of her cloths. In time I could feel his hand as he slipped it under her to reach her clitoris. Almost immediately she screamed in orgasm. She had never been so vocal before.

She sled off of me and undid my pants to free my aching erection and slide into her mouth. As she did he moved behind her and began kissing and licking from behind. This was too much of a sight. I did not want to come so soon.

I moved to the side of her and had her stand and lean over the couch. He was on one side of her and I was on the other as we took turns caressing and suckling her breast and giving her oral pleasure. After she came again, I suggested that she take his pants off.

She made short work of it and we were both surprised at the size of his erection. We had never believed the rumors we heard in college. She licked the length of it and around his balls. She licked her way back up but could not get more than just the head of it in her little mouth. By this time I was behind her and pumping into her. I was more than a little self conscious about my own more average size and was happy to slip it out of sight. I was not pumping hard, as the sight of my wife working on my friends cock was enough to make me come with no stimulation at all. That he was so big was all the more erotic. I did not want to come before seeing that monster buried in her little snatch.

I pulled out and suggested that I provide her with a somewhat smaller snack. We all laughed nervously. He slipped around her and rubbed the head on her opening. She was too preoccupied with what he was doing to pay attention to my needs, which was fine with me, as I, too, wanted to watch what he was doing. I ran my fingers down to her pussy to help open her up for this treat.

It was very odd to feel another man’s penis, especially as it was trying to invade my sacred matrimonial sanctuary. Her pussy was very wet. I ran my finger over her clit, under his cock and dipped it into her pussy. I did this about four times and she started coming. As she was coming, he pushed into her and it was like she had a second orgasm on top of the first one. Now as I moved my finger over her clit it came to rest against his massive wall of manhood that was sliding ever so gently in and out of her. I thought that she was going to hyperventilate.

My whole hand was drenched with their juices. I slid it up her belly over her breast and to her mouth. She inhaled one of my fingers, licking fiercely at its crotch, trying to savor every bit of this nectar. I could smell it strong in the air and it was intoxicating. I found myself also wanting to lick my fingers but I resisted, as the idea was too alien.

I found my way to this pleasure through her mouth. I kissed her deeply tasting the erotic elixir. I licked the corner of her mouth to taste more of it. She sensed what I was doing and asked me to eat her. I was stunned, not believing what I had heard.

She begged, “please honey, just lick my clit.”

Reluctantly, I slid down to her breasts, kissing and sucking trying to summons the courage to do as asked. I had earlier smeared her breast with their juices as I slid my hand to her mouth. I could smell and taste this essence of sex and it filled my senses. As I continued to slide down her body the aroma became more and more pungent. I could hear her moans through her stomach and I became aware of his as well. I could hear the sound of their bodies moving together and the aroma was intoxicating.

By the time I got to her clitoris there was no hesitation. She screamed loudly when my tongue touched it. I felt his penis move against my chin. It occurred to me that this should probably freak me out, but I was in a place of total sexual exhilaration and it did not bother me. In fact it added to the experience. My face was at the juncture of their sex feeling it, smelling it, hearing it and tasting it. I was in tantric heaven. Wanting to better experience this place where sex meets sex, I slipped down to touch their union with my lips. It was wet and slimy and I could not tell where she ended and he started.

My presence seemed to be having an effect on him as he was pounding harder and harder. She was saying something but I could not hear her. My head was filled with that smell and taste and feeling. I wanted to completely submerge myself in it. Without thinking I licked where they came together and I felt his penis going in her. I could feel her vulva stretched to meet it. I could taste them. I was licking him as he slid in and out and I was licking her where he penetrated her. And then it happened. He came out of her and went into my mouth. And then out of me and back into her. And back again. Each time he entered me I was able to take more of him. And then he stayed in me and thrust twice, three times, four times into me and then quickly he shoved back into her and he slammed hard and stayed put tensing up every muscle in his body. I knew that he was unloading in her. Not wanting to push this new experience any further, I withdrew from them.

My wife caught me and pulled me to her. She licked and kissed my face and told me over and over how much she loved me. He pulled away and she and I were kneeling kissing and grinding. My cock brushed against her soaked and gaping pussy and I felt his cum slide onto it. That was a bit more than I was ready for even though it felt silky and warm. I pulled back a bit, but I wanted to be inside of her so I pushed against her and I was swallowed without hardly feeling it go in. It was hot and silky and very, very loose. I was not ready for that so I pulled out.

She went to her knees and swallowed me licking at the base of it to get his juices that had collected there. I was almost immediately shooting into her mouth. We collapsed into each other’s arms and did not move for a long time. I could feel his seaman leaking onto my leg but I was too exhausted to do anything about it. I think that we drifted off to sleep. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever consider something like this happening.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Bad Scripts

For years I have been trying to coax my wife into a more enlightened perspective on sexuality. Though she has long since abandoned her catholic upbringing, she clearly was influenced by years of being told about all of the things that good girls do not do and being told that all things that relate to sex are nasty and sinful. Don’t get me wrong she is very open minded, a good sport and even adventurous. So we have had some nice exciting escapades over the years. Many times she has even showed definite signs of enjoying herself. But she always feels compelled to discount her pleasure. A lot of this has to do with the scripting that we are given such as good catholic girl.

Unfortunately, a lot of it also comes from the negative examples of jerks. Recently, my wife, who teaches elementary school, had just such an experience. One of her students went from being a well behaved good student to being a royal pain in the ass almost over night. She called the parents and, as she suspected, things had not been so great at the boy’s home. The parents had split up and were fighting. She had a conference with the boy’s mother and they came up with some strategies for making the best of the situation. Not much was said about the father but my wife had the sense that maybe he was a good deal of the problem even though the mother did not say much about him; or maybe because the mother did not say much about him. About three weeks went by and things, while not perfect, had improved. Then the father called and said that he was very worried about his son. My wife scheduled a conference to meet with him and suggested that he ask the mother to come along as well. He said that he would ask her. But when he showed up she was not with him and my wife felt that he had not asked her.
As the man talked about the problems with his son, he talked also about the problems between he and his wife. The man seemed to be distraught over the break up of his marriage. My wife felt bad for him.

And then out of the blue he started saying that he needed to be disciplined. My wife was confused and thought that maybe he was feeling guilty about something that he had done to his wife or son. But it quickly became apparent that he wanted my wife to discipline him for sexual pleasure. He said things like “I have been very bad. I need you to spank my naked bottom.” I have a hard time imagining my wife in that situation but she convinced him to leave. She came home very shaken up - literally in tears. Her emotions were a mix of disgust, sadness and anger.

I can well imagine that the man mistook my wife’s natural compassion as something different. Also, she tends to be rather clueless about men coming on to her. In all likelihood, the man was sending signals and when she did not pick up on them he took it as tacit approval of what he wanted.

I ended up being somewhat of a jerk myself, because in my wife’s emotional state I tried to help her make sense of it by stating these speculations about her missing clues. She was angry at the man for insinuating his sexuality on her and for being so inconsiderate of his son and now she was also mad at me for not understanding.

In the end she calmed down and even agreed that it was possible that she may have missed signs. But her perspective is that there should not have been signs, what he did was totally inappropriate. I cannot disagree with that. Nonetheless, I cannot help but also view this as somewhat of a misunderstanding of value systems. Don’t get me wrong, I think that the man was a selfish bastard. But I don’t think that he had a clue that what he was feeling would be perceived as such a violation.

Unfortunately, in my wife’s mind, like that of most of our society, that sort of selfish disregard for others in pursuit of ones own sexual gratification is the big brush with which all sexual liberty gets painted. This event just happened last week. It is a big step back in the effort to get my wife to open up sexually. I can’t blame her. But at the same time I can’t help but feel that the same mixed up sense of sexuality our society has that helped make this man the jerk that he is has also helped shape her sex negative attitudes.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Sexual Scripts

We need new sexual scripts. The ones that we have are very limited. There are two basic types of sexual scripts, those that deal with how to be sexual as an individual and those that deal with sexual relationships. The boundaries of these scripts are defined with terms such as perverted, sick, twisted etc. And it is not just the uptight religious right that defines the limitations of these scripts it is also many of us who seek a broader perspective. I don’t know how many times I have heard someone who is way into some fetish that most would consider perverted say something like “but I’m not into sick stuff like (fill in the blank with any of those things that you think are sick.)” We, as a culture, need to come to a more liberated and tolerant sense of sexuality.

The fact is that in most cases these things aren’t sick. They are, in fact, healthy. Just as dreams are our way of processing things in our subconscious, sexual fantasy and fetish is how we process them in our immediate, if not meta-conscious. We use our sexuality as a means of healing wounds and insecurities. Often we do this by sexualizing that which we need to process. For example, a significant number of people who declare BDSM to be their fetish have had traumatic sexual experiences as children. The more pervasive the fetish the more likely the correlation to past abuse. People into BDSM are not sick; they are healing. The more we know about the restorative powers of sexual fantasies and fetishes the better equipped we will be to make ourselves secure. This is a crucial aspect of actualizing human potential.

There are also scripts for how we are sexually within a relationship. The socially excepted script is one man and one woman who have no fantasies or fetishes but who enjoy warm intimacy within the confines of vanilla sex no more than once a week behind the closed and locked doors of their matrimonial bedroom. These people do not dwell on, or speak about, this basically dirty and sinful aspect of life.

There is another script as well. It is the script of the perverted. The perverted are any couple who act outside of the accepted script. This is a villain’s script, which is avoided and usually denied when taken. The only people willing to take on this script are couples with two very high libidos. Such couples are usually driven mostly by the physical pleasure. They tend to diminish the emotional aspects of sex. These couples are often very clear in the no-strings-attached nature of what they are after. The purely physical pursuit of this lifestyle tends to reinforce a negative stereo type for most other.

There are two major problems with this pervasive two-script world view. First of all it leaves a lot of people unintentionally living by disingenuous scripts, whether they are living the perverts script and seek psychologically deeper connections or they are stuck in the conventional scrip and seek broader expression. Generally speaking most men seek more and kinkier sex and most women seek deeper connection in sex. This dichotomous world view also leaves our sexual potential, which is essentially the same thing as human potential, crippled.

The mechanics by which this world view has been created and maintained are complex. And, like most complex things created over a long period of, it is durable and seemingly sustainable. Changing this world view will take time and energy. The fact is that we do not want to destroy this world view. There is more baby than bathwater in the whole system of human connections.

Yes, we are talking about the whole structure of human connection here. It is folly to consider sexuality, one of the strongest forces in the creation of human bonds, without recognizing the far reaching implications of such forces.

One of the reasons that our view of sexuality is so limited is because we have always considered sexuality only as a very personal and private thing. But in fact sexuality is one of the basic binding force on which we build all of civilization. Failing to consider it in the broader context allows such limited perspective as we have with the two basic scripts.

Those who think that the sexual revolution happened in the sixties and seventies are looking at the foot hills and calling them mountains. The sexual revolution is not what happens when we open the doors to our bedrooms; it is what happens when we open our minds to the power and potential of human sexuality.

Cross posted at